Grieving is awful at the best of times, but throw in Christmas and it may feel even worse

If you’ve lost a loved one, Christmas can be a really difficult and emotional time. It’s a time that can cause a lot of anxiety and sadness, especially in the lead up. It may be the complete opposite of the jolly and excitable time that adverts, work parties and Christmas music may imply you should be feeling.

So how can you get through the day?

Mark the day if that feels important to you, equally if you would rather not ‘do’ Christmas in the way you’ve done it before, that’s also fine. The important thing is to plan ahead to help anticipate feelings that may come up and make it all a bit more tolerable.

Thinking ahead

Thinking ahead may allow you to make space for your grief on the day and help you carve out some time to process what’s going on for you.

It’s also important to remember that as grief expert David Kessler says, grief is as unique as our fingerprints, so you may be feeling very differently to, for example, a family member who may also be experiencing the loss. Remember to think about what YOU need and how YOU feel, whilst acknowledging and respecting that people need and want different things when grieving the same person, and that’s ok.  

What about the lead up?

For some, the lead up to Christmas is worse than the day itself, as the anticipation and anxiety around what to expect, builds up.

Think about what plans you have and what the expectations are for these plans. For example, you may feel more comfortable not making too many plans or spacing plans out. Or only seeing certain people and not attending certain events. That’s totally fine. Its important to be aware of your own tolerance and working out how to ensure your mental health is supported throughout.

Social media

Be boundaried with social media – you may find it more helpful to disconnect for a period, or it may feel really supportive to share memories with your followers. Whatever you decide, just be mindful of how it’s affecting you and make adjustments where necessary.

If you’re supporting someone grieving this Christmas

Don’t assume – ask.

Ask them if they’d like to do something to remember their person on the day or during the lead up. For example, would you like to set a place for them at the table, keep a photo up or add their favourite song to your playlist?

Make space to have conversations about their missed person – what are their memories of Christmas with them, what present may they have liked this year – these are ways to maintain connections and memories. Whilst this may feel difficult, it may also be healing.

Remind them that you’re aware that this is a difficult time and that you’re here for them. Keep reminding them, if you need to.

Further support

Whatever your take is, it’s important to remember to look after your mental health and plan a Christmas that supports it.

There are plenty of wonderful charities who are here to help over the festive period, so if it all feels a bit much do reach out for help - you’re not alone.

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